Am I crazy? Are moms suppose to feel this way? What if me living this way causes my child to be unhappy?…. These are all questions I ask myself on a daily basis. However, to understand exactly what lead to this point in my life i’d have to start at the beginning, which would be my childhood. Instead, I’m going to start with a more recent time. I’ve never been one to let people know exactly how I feel especially during a time when I was feeling completely down about myself.
Once I had my daughter, who is 8 months old now I began to feel even worse about myself both mentally and physically. Seeing my body go through so many changes was breath taking and not in a good way. Before I had my daughter I already felt very self conscious about my body but now, now there were many more stretch marks and a feeling of emptiness. I began to miss the feeling of my daughters little kicks and the feeling of love that carrying her brought me. Don’t get me wrong I knew I had a perfect new born baby and that also brought me so much love but I felt completely different. My stomach had a lot more Stretch marks than it had before and my womb that had carried my beautiful baby girl is now empty.
This is were things really began to change. I had never in my life felt this way about myself. Don’t get me wrong I had always been aware that I wasn’t a small girl but I was comfortable with who I was and how I looked. However, after having a baby this all changed and I knew that I had to make some changes in my life so that my daughter and me could live the life that we deserved. This was the time in my life that I discovered my passion for health and eating to feel better not to look better.
Before I did have moments in my life where I had wanted to look skinny and perfect for others but I’d never stick to any “diet” because i would always decide that it was not worth it so I would go back to eating crap to only end up gaining weight. I know ughhhhh……. As of now I have decided that health is meant to be lived for happiness and to make you feel better, not to look good for others. It may of took me years to get to this point in my life but I can honestly say that life has never been better. Realizing I wanted to live for my happiness and no one else’s was the best life change I have ever made.
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